I moved to “the South” five years ago… almost exactly, now that I think of it (December 7, 2001). Almost immediately, I had this feeling… like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I never realized that I had an accent. I thought I sounded like the people on the news. When I arrived in Atlanta that December, I quite often was asked if I was from Fargo. Fargo? Or Canada. Canada? Are you people serious? Clearly, I sounded a lot more like a Uper than I had realized.
At first I was bothered by the Fargo comments, but after a while I was happy to explain that no, I was not from North Dakota, I was from Michigan… a much superior state, thank you very much. Like I knew from experience, having never been to North Dakota in my life. Once I started a real job, though, I discovered that being from Michigan was not seen as a good thing. Why? Because I was from the North. A lot of my clients were banks and most of the banks in Atlanta employ “good old boys”. I was rudely discriminated against on a regular basis because of my “northern” roots, because I was “invading” and “taking over their city”. But this is not my point. My point is that before I moved to the South I never knew this discrimination existed. I had never heard anyone from the North say anything derogatory about a Southerner. No, that’s not entirely true. I had heard a few different people try to imply that southerners were stupid, which was evident by their “stupid”sounding accents. But those were from young idiots I went to high school with, that had never even met a southerner, let alone visited any state south of Ohio, besides Florida. I digress.
I have found since moving to North Carolina, that the rude comments have been limited and those who have been rude or hurtful have been easy to avoid. Until yesterday.
I’ve had a hard time making friends since leaving home. Although, once I’ve made a friend, they’ve become a good friend. Recently I became friends with a neighbor. We seem to have quite a bit in common. Our kids are close in age. She doesn’t seem all wrapped up in all of that “keeping up with the Jones’ crap”, which is a major plus. Because I don’t have time for that. Anyway, yesterday, we were talking on the phone and she was telling me about a terrible Christmas shopping experience and she said something along the lines of “I know you’re from the North, so no offence but” then went on about some dumb northerner who did something rude and she felt like telling her to go back up north. I was a little stunned and didn’t really have much of a reaction. It was reminiscent of when someone makes a statement that is very close to racist. Do I say something and possibly embarrass them/piss them off? Or do I just let them offend me silently? I didn’t say anything. Then today, she said something else. About a family member who is from the north. I can’t say that I’m not offended. Both times I couldn’t help but feel like she had these preconceived notions… which weren’t very accurate, nor very nice. And it just made me feel bad. Makes me want to go back up North.
So, what’s my point? Boo hoo, poor you, I’m sure you’re thinking. I know, I sound like a downer. I guess it is a learning experience for me. Living here. Part of my wants to say, stupid southerners. But I know they’re not all stupid. Even the ones that say stupid things. Besides, that would just be an ignorant thing to do. And letting it get to me, and doing the same, would only continue the cycle and it would only teach Jack to generalize and discriminate.
That was a wonderful post. I have had several similar experiances when I would visit South Carolina. Twice there were two cars holding up signs saying “go home yankees” and once written in my back windshield. If people don’t visit the south often or live there, they have no idea how bad it really is. I feel really badly for you that you have to deal with this. It is bad enough that the world is like this, but to think it exsists in our own country is really sad. My South African friend makes similar comment about “Americans” and the way they drive etc. I then remind her that I am an American and I am going to kick her butt if she says it again. And she always does and I just repeat myself. Anyway you shouldn’t try it. It doesn’t work. I will think on this and get back to you.
Andrea
I had the same experiences when I was in grad school. The students would call me the “Yankee HD”. We had HUGE issues with talking to people about the confederate flag too. I would typically say things like “When you say things like ‘Yankee”, I think that you are calling ME rude”, and when they would backtrack, I would say “well, maybe you should say what you mean, and think about what you say.”
It got really annoying, but I eventually got used to it.
I did find it funny when people would say to me “ya’ll got an accent”. I would always say “well I sound more like the cast of Friends than you do.”
Whoo…what an interesting 2 years. Have fun!
M
Wow. I’m really sorry that you have to deal with that, but you explained the situation very well. I’m not sure what can be done, but you cannot let her continue to insult you silently, however, unintentional the insult is. I’m not saying that you should start a war with her, but you should feel comfortable telling her that you take comments like that personnally. She should understand that. Maybe she just needs someone to point out the obvious to her. I wouldn’t give up on the friendship by any means, but if you are going to be friends she needs to know when she has crossed the line.
That is very annoying and a toughie…I feel like I would say something, but I don’t know the relationship well enough to really make a call. Weird that it is like that down there. Like you, I have never heard anything negative towards “southerners” up here. Oh, and if you get fed up and want to move back, you would have a friend here. I’m just sayin’….
I agree with Melissa….you need to let her know she crossed the line without ending the friendship. Some of these things are deeply ingrained from childhood. These people most likely don’t realize they are making unfair generalizations and being discriminatory. (I hate to admit it but when growing up we said things like “Indian giver” without giving it a second thought. If you point it out to her and she makes an effort to repair the damage (or at least stop in the future) you could end up with a very good friend.
I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for your supportive comments. It was really what I needed. And you all are right. I definitely need to find the right time and way to let her know that this is not ok with me. Thank you thank you thank you! You guys are great.
So I just got back from vacation and saw this post. I too, think that you should say something. I know it will be difficult but I think it is probably better than letting it eat away at you, which it will, especially if/when it happens again. Now, there aren’t a lot of southerners here in the midwest (who would purposely relocate to the frozen tundra of Michigan?), but In general, I don’t think we do this here. I talk to all kinds of people all over the place, with all kinds of accents, and I never think, oh they are so stupid because of where they are from! It is sad, and if we do nothing about it, it will continue, just like racism.
Good luck!
T