Ok, so I realize that I have somewhat of a negative attitude, but for the most part I try to keep this blog pretty positive. Because really, no one goes searching out into the internet for crap to put them in a bad mood. Right? So just a note here… this is not the most uplifting post in the world.
I had a really bad day yesterday. I haven’t been sleeping lately. And I’ve just been feeling down and out of sorts. I blew up at E first thing yesterday morning, which is always a great way to start the day… and of course it was about something so incredibly stupid. So I felt like crap all day long and no matter how many times I said I was sorry. I shouldn’t have freaked out and I couldn’t take that back.
On top of all of that I just feel like I’m not doing a very good job. I can’t seem to stay on top of everything and I don’t have any excuses. I don’t work. And I have a cleaning lady that comes every other week. So really, I don’t need to clean at all. But I do, because it’s got to be sterile in this joint! Kidding. I don’t know what it is. I just can’t seem to relax anymore. I feel so incredibly uptight and anxious. About everything. I guess I keep thinking if everything is perfect (in the house and yard and where ever else in my life) then maybe, I’ll finally relax. But no. Then I’m on to worrying about the baby and if he’s eating enough. And if I’m doing the right things as a mother and a care-giver. Am I spoiling him? Am I neglecting him in some way? It’s all so overwhelming sometimes.
And then of course I have this feeling lately like I’m absolutely dieing for adult interaction and to just get out of the house. E works a lot. He gets home late and I’m tired at that point. And so is he. So we don’t get the opportunity to talk like we used to. And well, quite honestly, I don’t know many people around here. And I’m not exactly very extroverted anymore. I know I need to be proactive. I just keep getting discouraged. I went to the gym a week or so ago in the morning… instead of the afternoon like I usually do, and I discovered this is when all the moms are there. Well, this is great. Maybe I’ll meet a mom in the area or whatever. I’m chatting with a fellow mom of two and I won’t go into specifics but after a while the conversation took an odd turn and she took an enormous jab at me and I practically walked away crying. What the heck? Why are women so fricking mean? So, you get my drift. I pretty much spent the day feeling sorry for myself.
To frost the cake Jack had ridiculous acid reflux, due to the yogurt I gave him for breakfast and so he couldn’t/wouldn’t sleep all day long. And I’m sure you can guess what kind of mood he was in by the end of the day.
So, today is a new day. I woke up to the little guy patting my cheek with his sweet little hand. Then he giggled from behind his pacifier. Why is that so darn cute? What a way to start the day. And it’s the first day of spring. The high today is 72. And my BFF is coming for Jacker-doodle-doo’s big birthday celebration! Woo Hoo! So, hey, things are looking up!
That really sucks for you…you are normally such a positive person so yesterday must have really taken it out of you. What’s with the chick at the gym? Random…I’d like to hear what she said.
It’s o.k. to sometimes vent to the husband…we are only human and get tired. Hope Jack’s feeling better today and giving you some rest. And I can relate to the whole anxious feeling thing. It’s an odd thing I have noticed with myself as well…email me and we can chat more…
You’re SO not alone in how you feel. I spend entirely too much time feeling the same way.
**This chick at the gym? Yeah, she’s not on my good side. The NERVE to upset you. I’d like to know what she said, too. Then, I can reassure you that she is totally wrong and a complete *#@&**
It really is okay to have days that you blow up at the husband. And, it’s okay to have days that nothing feels right.
I’m with Sarah…send me an e-mail if you want to chat more.
Smile….you’re beautiful, your son is gorgeous (guessing the husband is cute!!), you have a beautiful house (from what the pics of the carpet/windows show :) )…family and friends that love you and all of us blogger chicks who think you ROCK :)
Yeah, where’s that lady at the gym live so I can kick her *#&… she’s got a lot of nerve upsetting my girl. Hang in there honey….these days happen, but they serve to make us appreciate the happy days even more (does that make sense?). :)
ps: 1159 hits on your blog! you’re famous!
You guys are the best! Thanks for being so supportive. :)
Oh, and ps. Jack took two 2 HOUR naps yesterday… much better after Monday! And he’s definitely feeling better.
Hey there,
I totally feel ya..isn’t amazing how a number of small things can lead to a really s****y day? I hope that you are able to Tae Bo that woman at the gym…you don’t need to put up with her crap.
I’m glad that Jack is feeling better…it sucks having a crabby kid…the smiles are much nicer!
I am so glad today started out so much better for you. Nothing in this world can compare to waking up to Charlie’s big blue eyes staring up at me. It makes all the bad things in this world melt away immediately.
I, too try to make everything just right thinking that it will relieve all my stress and worry, but all it ends up doing is making me more stressed and worried because I can never quite get everything done to my standards. I am trying to learn to let go and realize that if I leave the house with a sink full of dirty dishes the world will not cease to exsist. I won’t even start on the worry about the kid. I just have to follow my instincts and know at the end of the day if he has smiled and laughed I’ve probably done okay.
You are doing a great job and have an absolutely beautiful son, enjoy it all!
Amanda,
I have been lurking on your blog(s) for a really long time – hope you don’t find that creepy, but your blog is interesting and uplifting for me, even when you aren’t feeling so uplifted yourself. I know how it feels to be a newcomer in a new place and to feel like you lack the connections to others that give you an outlet and a refuge when you feel the way you did a few days ago. To the degree it helps – I think you are doing a fantastic job. Your baby is thriving and happy and it sounds like your marriage is too – we all have the occassional blow ups with or without good reason. And we all have bad moments/bad days. But they pass – and I am glad to that things are looking up for you! And pleeeeeease think nothing of that surly you-know-what at the gym. Usually that kind of snarling means you’re doing something right anyway.
Just wanted to say hang in there!
Jean Benz