Why must I have absolutely zero patience every 28 days? And be overcome with the insatiable need to eat everything in sight (including that nutella, last night, that had a sell by date of 2006)??
Why can’t my damn US magazine come on time? Seriously, the week before last I got last Friday and I still haven’t gotten last Friday’s. So something tells me that today’s won’t come today. And neither will last week’s.
Why is it in the mid-70’s in mid-December?? Why?!? AND why am I surprised?!? It happens every year! It’s the holiday season and everyone else in the country (well, almost) is experiencing a ginormous blizzard and we are sweating. I’m sweating and my windows are open and it’s hot in the house (and seriously, I WILL NOT TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING, for the love of the tiny infant baby Jesus in the manger, because it is DECEMBER) and how do you make Christmas cookies when it’s hot in the house??
Why must my child only sleep for 20 minutes at a time? Maybe because it is a sauna in his room because IT’S 75 DEGREES OUTSIDE. Or maybe because he has a fever. Poor kid.
Why must my poor little pooper-doodle-doo be sick? I hate seeing him sick.
Why did I take that shitass, mother scratching, G blessed, son of a mother pacifier away?? Maybe so he could suck his hand. Yeah, he sucks his hand. Any advice on how to get him to stop sucking his hand now that I’ve successfully gotten rid of the sucky?? Because with it being flu season and all, all I need is him sucking his hand… surely he’ll get sick. OH WAIT. That’s right. He’s already sick.
Why must my adorable son have such an adorable new haircut that I managed to get the cutest pictures of… that I would love to post and show to the Internet? Oh but I can’t because Picasa took a big poop all over my computer so I can’t download anything. WHY does this happen?!? So I can write this ridiculous ranting post and you all can see what a psycho I really can be.
There are few things more depressing than flying into Detroit Metro in February… the grime, the slush, the dirt, the grey. So hold out and enjoy your pansies at every strip mall (at least that’s what they used when I lived in NC), come Feb. you’ll be clearly past seasonal affective disorder and the northerners will be in the thick of it. It’s kinda like seasonal affective disorder strikes early in the south. Home is where your men are. Hang in there. If you can find it Edy’s seasonal peppermint icecream should help your “problems” too.
ha ha….sorry but your rant made me laugh. :) I like when you start busting s*** out because you never do!
Hope tomorrow is better…
I agree with Sarah. You made me bust out laughing. I’m right there with you, though! I hope that Jack feels better soon.
(I’m so jealous you got your cards out already. How does this happen each and every year that it is mid-December and I don’t have my cards out? It is like I’m surprised that it is December, as if I’m not warned of its impending arrival by November!)
Oh yes she does (bust s*** out)…just not on her blog! Sorry Amanda, couldn’t resist tattling. Anyway, you come by it honestly!. And it was a pretty funny rant.
I like how Sarah doesn’t think you bust out S*** too!! He he. I think it is funny that you bust out my favorite words but on your blog you come up with some pretty funny G rated ones!!! I share those same moods with you twice a month!!! Lucky us.
I thought that this made you pretty human and normal.