Ok. I have tried to write this sentence three, possibly four times. I’ve lost track because I am too tired to think. Seriously people, I know that it could be worse. I know I know I know. But really if I do not get some sleep soon I’m going to lose it. And really I should be napping now. Both boys are sleeping. But. If I do that then I’ll be up late again (damn you Jason Mesnick) tonight. I just can’t go to sleep at 11-11:15 only to wake at 2 something to re-swaddle Teddy, then again at 4 something to Jack screaming because he fell out of bed and needed to blow his nose, and at about 5 to feed Teddy and at 7 (pretty much on the nose) to Jack yelling, “MOMMY IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP.” So yeah, I’m dragging.
And I’m struggling. I am really struggling with Jack. I came home from playgroup today, put Jack in his room and completely lost it. Just sobbing. Thank God Andrea called so I could pull myself together so we could discuss the bachelor. Anyway, I just don’t know what to do with him anymore. I realize he’s going through a stage… yeahyeahyeah terrible two’s. Blah blah. But I am just not sure where this behavior is coming from. He was an all around grouch when we arrived at playgroup today. And he just seemed to get worse the longer we were there. And here I am trying to feed and burp Teddy, while three three year olds, a four year old, and two six month olds played amongst a large dog, in a living room with toys and four moms. Seriously that sentence alone makes me anxious.
I was a basket case. If he wasn’t running and screaming at a volume only dolphins can hear, he was swinging a kiddie broom around centimeters from babies heads… and tell me this WHY do they make things like brooms for kids??? Can’t anybody see that is a weapon waiting to happen?? And don’t get me started on those damn golf clubs for kids. AGH. Ok, I digress. Anyway, here he was grabbing whatever he could from the closest person to him, shouting “MINE!” Knocking people over. Running over babies. Playing tug of war with a four year old. Yelling, “NO!” to me. Geez. Then as we go to leave he kicks the dog, purposely steps on one of the baby’s fingers, and tries to kick her. Seriously. And it’s not like the kid isn’t disciplined. We do time-outs and whatever else we have to. I’m just not getting through to him. Really I just wish I understood him. I try to give him the attention he needs, but it never seems to be enough. And the worst part of it is that no one gets to see the little person I see. He is such a sweet boy.
I’m working on it… all of it. Keeping it together for Jack and Teddy’s sake, for E’s sake. Working with Jack, to give him what he needs to get through this period. I’m trying to keep this house in some sort of order. And believe it or not I had a moment of boredom yesterday…. what do I do? Run to the gym. Another thing to obsess about. Getting rid of the baby weight. Geez. I just feel like I’m starting to unravel. I’m turning into one of those moms. All frazzled and disheveled. With big dark circles around her eyes. Hollering at her kids. Lord have mercy, just listen to me complain already!! GAH.
Ok. So now that I’ve got that off of my chest I’m going to go finish that box of Teddy Grahams and hunt for some chocolate.
Ugh. I am so sorry (and a little scared as I hear you talk about my potential future with 2 kids). If it makes you feel any better, Avery is going through a nasty spell too. Biting, hitting, sticking her tongue out and lots of “No’s”. Two SUCKS! I’m hoping that 3 is better and a little easier. We’ve been trying the Love and Logic method, and sometimes it really works. There are other times where Avery just bucks the system all together. I get scared when I think of her acting this way at 17. My only reprieve is to think of all the older kids out there that are sweet and don’t bite anymore…and I hope that it’s the light at the end of the tunnel.
Good Luck (to both of us)
I saw this lady on TV once saying, “We need to let people know stay-at -home-moms aren’t just changing diapers all day”. I thought, Wow! Really?….. cause that’s mostly what *I* do….plus the contant messes, etc, etc, etc…ETC!!!!!. You’re in the thick of it now. It ain’t glamorous work. It is physically and mentally painful at times, but you really are doing God’s work. Keep on keeping on sister.
Amanda, I completely understand what you are going through. And, for me at least, the worst of it is not about the behavior itself, but about what that behavior says about you. “Am I a good mom?” “Why can’t I deal with this?” “What do my friends/family/innocent bystanders think of me when they see my kid acting like this and I can’t control it?” Been there, again and again.
Easier said than absorbed, but you are a terrific mom and you are allowed to take a time-out of your own to gorge on chocolate or cry if you need to. And friends/family/bystanders if they have kids see you and feel for you and know that they have been in your shoes plenty of times over.
Something I try when Peyton or Ads is melting down and I am going to lose it is to breathe in and out deeply together. About 50% of the time they will do it with me (especially if I can catch the tantrum early) and we all calm down. Bad behavior is so hard to deal with especially when other people’s kids are involved. I know that I rely far too much on rewards there (if you play nicely with your friends today + hugs & apologies as appropriate, you will get XYZ).
Anyway, try to cut yourself some slack. I don’t know how many times I have said “Just give Mommy a minute” or “You guys are driving me crazy!” and I have definitely had many devil-child acting out in public moments. You are not alone. You will get through it. It will get better when the boys are able to process their energy and emotions better. Hang in!!
dude. everything you just said it so familiar. it still rings true some days no matter how old hola gets. I am assuming Jack is coming out of being 2 1/2, right? the halve birthday time frame are the worst for these kids. Their development, finding their way, pushing the system. Their full birthdays they mellow out a bit, until the next half birthday approaches. no lie!!
Especially when I am flying solo, I want to rip my hair out on a daily basis.
Hang in there. You’re doing the best you can, and that is good enough.
I can’t spell or write grammar correctly.
“the half birthday time frame is the worst….”
I have ONE three year old and have days where I feel *this* close to losing it. I can’t even IMAGINE what you’re dealing with.
Hang in there–it WILL get better. You WILL get through this. You ARE doing a fantastic job!!
Smile :)
Everyone has said great stuff, and I agree with all of it. You are in the middle of it right now, dude. Seriously. The worst of it. Remember me telling you how that first year of Tommy’s life was a virtual blur of “making it through?” It is true. AND trying to be mom of the year to Lucy, and deal with her terrible 2’s and 3’s. AND not be a total bitch wife. AND try to get the 35 lbs. off from pregnancy (because I could obsess oh so easily as well). AND the embarrasing things Lucy did in public. AND feeling like I was going to die, DIE by 1 p.m. every day.
There is not too much I can say…except like others on here, I know how you are feeling and struggling. Things WILL change, get better, evolve over the next few months.
And sister, you just need some decent sleep. I think THAT alone would change your life. Let’s hope Teddy gets the memo!!! :) Wish we could booze it up and laugh in person…
And if you don’t believe me, go ahead and read any of my archives from 2006. Seriously, all my posts are about boob feeding, dealing, struggling, etc. :) You will get through!!
The girls are right…..it is the hardest right now. and actually, I think you’re doing really well coping on very little sleep.
I used to worry SO far too much about what other people thought when I was in your shoes and your older brother was acting up……and reacted based on THEM….wish now I had been more relaxed cuz I know he was picking up on my vibes. I like the breathing thing….great advice. Jack IS an angel and a very sweet boy. I know cuz I’m his grammy!
Well all I can say is that things definitely improve.
This time last year I thought I was going to lose it-2/3 years is so so challenging. I can’t even imagine adding a new baby into the mix…
Sleep deprivation is the worst.
But I’m sure you are doing great, and remember to try not to be too hard on yourself-we all lose it from time to time-totally normal.
I think its great that you still make time to get to the gym-it’s so important to keep some time for yourself, it really helps me.
Hang in there-before you know it you’ll be sleeping all night and hardly able to remember the sleepless nights.